David Fitzgerald: Bin collections, junkmail and Plymouth potholes
So, if the moon is in the third quadrant and March 5 falls on a Tuesday then the simple equation must be bv = u + at; s = 0.5(u+v)t@987*^ = Thursday I think!
Sorry, I will be with you in a moment! I am just trying to work out when I should put my brown bin out again, or is it the grey?
The next refuse pick-up is a secret known only to a few lucky individuals and a Shaman in Sierra Leone and, as his mobile keeps going to answer phone as he has the same 3G coverage as I do in Ivybridge, I am struggling at the moment.
My neighbours and I have been sticking the bins out in neat little rows in hope that someone will come along.
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The display of recycling sacks makes the road looks like some sort of Banksy art project!
Each house has a cluster of bags around a rubbish bin, its overflowing mouth pointing to the sky with the crud of Christmas spilling out. Sling in the odd discarded Christmas tree and The Tate Gallery could buy the lot for just under £2,000,000.
Yesterday the postman did a sort of wheelie bin slalom course to deliver the New Year bills. And while I am on the subject, the first email of 2013…the very first email of 2013, 12.01am 2013….my bloody gas bill! And first letter, HMRC!
The whole of this year has started in that vein.
Last Monday I had to pick up some post which had been redirected from my late aunt’s house, a kind gesture from the current occupiers, but not enough postage to cover the re-delivery.
So I paid the excess and discovered three vital letters, firstly a deal for the over 70s and a tempting offer for an ‘easy washable bath pillow’ and, secondly, a wonderful opportunity for dear auntie to join a scheme called Healthy Living. The one parameter to join the healthy living scheme is, I suspect, that you do have to be alive! She fails that one and thus won’t be getting the offered carriage clock and pen.
However, the third letter was of interest – an offer to take a trip to The Battlefields of Europe.
You too can discover the trenches of France, the destroyed emplacements and ruins of The North Africa campaign and the scarred shell blasted landscapes on Malta… all for just £799.
However, can I suggest a slight saving! If you wish to experience the same ambience just drive towards Elfordleigh and test yourself against the road surface of Crossways.
The trenches of The Somme have nothing on the potholes of Plympton. Only the brave travel down Crossways and even then you go armed with a 4 x 4 with an easy washable bath pillow wedged between your cheeks.
I look forward to spring, so called as it’s the time of year to replace the spring on the front suspension lost on a trip to Chaplins.