DIVORCED and separated dads: they are constantly on our television screens.

They are pilloried as feckless deserters who don't want their children. Or they are castigated as publicity-obsessed eccentrics who block the traffic and harass politicians because they are denied access to their kids.

But between the extremes portrayed in the Channel 4 drama Shameless or acted out by Fathers 4 Justice protestors in the news, there is a middle way trodden by dedicated dads who work to reduce conflict.

Families Need Fathers (FNF) is a respected, national campaigning organisation which puts bitterness aside – and children first.

Plymouth-born member Ian Tyers has been through his own protracted, tortuous and hurtful contact-time battle which left him temporarily clinically depressed.

But anybody speaking to him today would be struck by his conciliatory tone and sheer reasonableness.

"Families Need Fathers is not just about dads," says Ian. "Children need both parents and both parents matter.

"That's not to say that single parents cannot do a good job.

"What we are saying is that if there are destructive relationships around children, then they suffer."

Ian's own experiences led him to become a leading member of FNF in Exeter, where he works, and to help set up a branch in Plymouth. "One person we have helped is on a large five-figure salary, another is a traveller," he says.

The 44-year-old police detective sergeant prefers not to talk about his struggle to maintain contact with the children from a previous relationship. He concentrates instead on his own circumstances today – happily married with two sons aged four and two – and the help that FNF can give to both parents in a split and to new families that develop after a separation or divorce.

Nationally, every year 100,000 children lose contact with one of their parents and 40 per cent of children lose all contact with the non-resident parent within two years of divorcing.

So there are a lot of children 'missing' a parent, Ian says – and ordering the sentence that way round is important, he insists.

"This is about putting the children first," he says. "At Exeter Families Need Fathers has key principles.

"First, whatever decision you make, you must be able to say that you have made that decision in the best interests of the child; and second, seek first to understand before being understood.

"Many fathers say, 'I am being denied contact with my kid.' They should be thinking, 'My kid is being denied contact with me.'"

Fathers' anger can be understandable, though, given the Family Court's perceived presumption that a child's place is with their mother, Ian adds.

"We think the presumption should be 50/50," he says.

"There are definitely issues with the Family Court process and the lack of openness.

"But the courts are being opened up. Families Need Fathers has campaigned on that and we helped get the law changed on parental responsibility in 2003."

Before the legislative change six years ago, a father who was not married to the mother of his child had virtually no rights if the couple split – even if he was resident and fully involved as a parent. Now, if the father registers the birth he is regarded as having parental responsibility (PR). If he does not, he can ask the mother to give PR by consent. If she refuses, the father can apply to the court and will get it if he can demonstrate consistency and commitment.

Ian believes reasoned and consistent campaigning is more effective than protests and stunts staged by the pressure group Fathers 4 Justice.

He does not, though, look to criticise F4J, merely to make clear that Families Need Fathers has no connection with the organisation famous for high-profile protests by angry dads dressed in superhero costumes.

The FNF methods are quite distinct, too. The group, founded in 1974, is principally a social care organisation, with the mission of helping parents whose children's relationship with them is under threat. The registered charity offers information, advice and support services for parents on how to do the best for their children.

Priorities include getting court orders for shared residence, improvements in the time children are allowed to spend with their 'second parent' and more effective action when one parent defies a court order requiring them to allow their children a relationship with the other parent.

A further guiding principle ties with Ian's earlier comment about putting the interests of the child first and taking the conflict out of the system: the organisation pushes for the replacement of adversarial court hearings with child-centred discussions and mediation.

The result is better, stronger ties throughout the family, including with new domestic arrangements that develop – FNF welcomes the involvement of grandparents and new partners.

Such an inclusive, calm and well-argued approach has helped Families Need Fathers earn praise across the board from Dame Elisabeth Butler-Sloss, former President of the Family Division of the High Court and Deidre Sanders, trustee of the National Family and Parenting Institute to high-profile politicians; former Home Secretary David Blunkett is one of the charity's patrons.

Ian hopes that the developing Plymouth branch can expand to follow the model in Exeter where the organisation has close links with Cafcass, the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service. The Exeter branch organises regular workshops and talks with judges, Cafcass, police officers who work in child protection and domestic violence, and mediators.

In September FNF is planning an event involving education, health, police and young offender workers. The latter group is a reminder of the costs to individuals and society when a parental split goes badly wrong.

"All the research shows that if children thrive and do well there is less chance of them getting involved in crime and other problems like teenage pregnancy," says Ian.

"If we can remove conflict that has got to be good.

"The ideal situation is that (after a split) both the father and the mother stay involved and their parenting complements each other."

The benefits of achieving that goal, and providing positive role models on how to behave as a parent, can feed through for decades to come.

Families Need Fathers understands that the children being fought over, tugged at and even occasionally used as weapons between hate-filled ex-partners are more than just tomorrow's adults and leaders of society.

They are the parents of the future.

Families Need Fathers meets at the Conservative Club, Mutley, at 7.30pm on the first Wednesday of each month. For more details call Peter Pojuner on 01395 270665.

You can learn more about the national organisation at www.fnf.org.uk; or by calling 020 7613 5060.